Ryan Nealon brings songs of vulnerability and resilience to Morristown

By Kathy Shwiff

We can’t control much of what happens to us. But we can control our response to it, according to Ryan Nealon.

Nealon, a Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter with more than 500,000 followers on social media, was interviewed by the Rev. Audrey Webber, associate pastor at the Presbyterian Church in Morristown, last week for the church’s Forum on the Green series.

It’s a year-long series of conversations with the theme Belonging in the Age of Loneliness. 

“You are not in control of tomorrow. You are not in control of anything that happens to you. All you can do is you can make the choice of how to react to it,” Nealon, 31, told the audience before singing his song Silver Lining.

He wrote and released the song two weeks before his uncle died of cancer in 2024. “Having a song like this that is all about finding any sliver of joy you can … that is how … I like to live my life.”

Music is the one thing that he can count on as a cathartic release, Nealon said.

He performed several of his songs and talked about his life, including being adopted by his aunt and uncle after his single mother died in a car accident when he was 5 years old.

Nealon grew up in San Diego and graduated from UCLA with a degree in jazz studies. A professional musician for 13 years, he has released two studio albums and is working on a third.

Introducing Nealon, the Rev. Daniel Vigilante, the church pastor, said he found himself stalking the singer on Instagram after his music showed up on Vigilante’s screen thanks to an algorithm.

“Ryan was singing about things that were deeply personal and yet somehow listening to them they didn’t feel like they belonged only to him. They felt familiar,” he said.

That made Vigilante think of the Forum on the Green, which explores questions such as what connects us, what isolates us and how do we live honestly with one another.

“Maybe most importantly what happens when somebody is brave enough to tell the truth about their own life and in doing so helps the rest of us feel a little less alone. And that’s what I heard in Ryan’s music.”

VULNERABILITY AS SUPERPOWER

Nealon’s music found an audience during the pandemic. “I started sharing my little vulnerable songs on the internet not really thinking much of it. Now there’s a community of people that are listening to my songs. It’s just so amazing.”

He said a music industry professional had warned him against writing songs that were personal because people couldn’t relate to them.

“I think for me, my vulnerability is my superpower.”

In early 2023, he was posting musical videos that would get about 40 views.

Then he posted a demo of his song, Feel Good, about his body dysmorphia, a preoccupation with perceived flaws in appearance. That is a taboo subject for many men, he said.

The video got 300,000 views in an hour. “It just changed my life overnight.”

That song now has nearly 6 million streams, Nealon said. “I did it all independently because I don’t have a label, I don’t have a team.”

“The fact that people rallied behind the song and behind me … it just really made me feel so special. …

“I was able to take something so personal and turn it into something that so many people around the world connected with. It really made me feel like this is what I was supposed to do.”

LOOKING IN A FUNHOUSE MIRROR

Nealon said he came out as a gay man somewhat late in life. “Rediscovering myself and figuring out what I wanted was really tough.”

His body dysmorphia makes it difficult to date. “My biggest thing is I look in the mirror and I see like … I look at a funhouse mirror.”

He has struggled with feeling “if I don’t love myself, how can I let somebody love me?”

That makes him quick to settle for partners “that should not be settled for, like bottom of the barrel,” he said.

Nealon said he was the only person in his family who could sing and he decided he wanted to be a star when he was 6 years old. “I was really determined from like a really early age to see it through.”

His aunt put him in choir and took him to rehearsals and auditions. “She just believed in me so much.”

One of his songs, Never See You Cry, was written for his aunt, who gave up her career when she became his mother.

He also wrote a song about his uncle’s mother, whom he considered a grandmother even though they weren’t blood relatives. She died of dementia in 2014.

She took Nealon to a karaoke bar every Sunday although she was a bad singer, he noted. “We got to share and it was so fun.”