Too scared to try out for Morristown ONSTAGE? Read this!

Video: The Uke-A-Likes at Morristown ONSTAGE

 

By Kevin Coughlin

We won!

Well, not officially. But last week’s Morristown ONSTAGE competition was a victory just the same for my band, The Uke-A-Likes.

We conquered stage fright.

If you break out in a cold sweat at the mere thought of trying out for this show, read on.

The following accounts of our adventure, and observations from my eight years of covering the event for Morristown Green, are offered in hopes they may help you enjoy what we felt last Wednesday. Lisa Martin, Beth Bachmann, Dave Codey and I will be smiling about that evening for the rest of our lives.

QUICK BACKGROUND:

Last December, emcee Tara Bernie asked why I decided to audition after so many years on the other side of the camera.

“Sheer terror,” I replied, accurately.

This was way out of my comfort zone. Could I do this? Could we do this?

I admire musicians who move me. And I admire the ones who don’t, for having the guts to try. But we were newcomers to the ukulele. The biggest room we ever played was Anthony’s Pizza, for 13 fellow ukesters.  Morristown ONSTAGE draws 1,300 people to the Mayo Performing Arts Center, a palace where legends perform. One of The Beatles played there!

What if we bombed? Would the Uke-A-Likes ever speak to each other?  Suppose I flubbed my own lyrics? Could I ever show my face again at SmartWorld Coffee?

Would we even pass the audition?  Only an extended deadline saved us from missing the signups. We had less than a week to learn our song (a social media parody I hatched last summer), invent some shtick, choreograph it, rehearse, and obtain costumes. The band didn’t even have a name.

Seventy acts were vying for 15 slots. There was no time for nerves. Not yet.

PASSING THE AUDITION

Dare to be different.  The Morris Educational Foundation, organizer of this school fundraiser, strives for an entertaining variety show.  Novelty acts have done well in the past. Ukuleles seemed novel to us. Plus, we offered an original number with a topical and (we hoped) humorous theme–both rarities. If executed well, we figured, our act would stand out. (Ditto if we flopped!)   It was a gamble. The song got a thumbs-up at Anthony’s Pizza; would the show committee like Like Me ?

A backstory helps. If competing acts are roughly equal, having a good “story” to promote may give yours an edge. Many of this year’s finalists brought compelling backstories. We had two angles: Newbie-Pals-Who-Play-Goofy-Instruments-at-Pizzeria and Starving-Local-Journalist-Trades-Notepad-for-Sawed-Off-Guitar.

Choose partners carefully.  We’re not talking holy matrimony. We’re talking musical polygamy!  Ideally, bandmates, like spouses, are compatible, with complementary talents and personalities.  Otherwise, rehearsing the same three-minute song dozens of times, for weeks on end, could prove hazardous to your mental health. The Uke-A-Likes were fortunate in this regard; no therapists or lawyers were needed.

Memorize that tune. Yes you can! That’s coming from a guy who can’t remember breakfast, never mind his own songs. June Van Thoen, musical director at the Morristown United Methodist Church and a marvelous singer, recommended scribbling the lyrics in long-hand, over and over. Check! Then they got taped to my bathroom mirror. Check!! June also advised spitting out the lyrics rapid-fire. Check!!! Later, I recited them to the beat of a metronome (105 beats) from a phone app while jogging.  The band tackled the song in chunks–beginning, middle, end–and we just about glued everything together by audition day. Which brings us to…

Nobody’s perfect.  At least, we weren’t on that Saturday at Morristown High School.  But we got some chuckles and, evidently, showed enough spark to convince the committee we could whip things into shape over 10 weeks.  During a pep talk on show night, poet Ally Are, last year’s winner, reminded finalists: “Nobody knows what this is supposed to look like except you. And it’s not the mess-ups that make you look bad. It’s the mess-up where you stand there and don’t bounce back.”  Keep smilin’, and they’ll think that bogus F chord was a G after all!

Video: Showtime pep talk

Sell it, baby!  A performance requires… performing. Check your inhibitions at the stage door. They say you can’t be halfway pregnant. If you committed to go for it, then go for it!  How many times has a gifted player left you cold, while others with more modest chops shine because of their enthusiasm? It’s about entertainment, insists jazz great Grover Kemble, who combines stellar talent and showmanship.  He graciously offered spot-on suggestions about looking sharp, facing the audience, practicing entrances and exits, and even high-fiving each other backstage, to chase jitters. His best tip, echoed by numerous others:

Have fun!  There’s a good chance the audience will, too.

Backstage at Morristown ONSTAGE. Click icon below for slideshow captions.

WHEN YOU MAKE THE CUT

Savor it…for awhile.  It’s worth celebrating. We did. And then…I imagined how Donald Trump will feel if he wakes up one morning as President of the United States.OMG…now what?  (If that happens, by the way, make sure to follow the Uke-A-Likes’ extended world tour…if we can get out before the borders are sealed. I’m searching eBay for a really tall ladder.)

Practice with purpose. It helps to rehearse before audiences. Ours was a video camera, which never blinked, and Dave’s girlfriend, Nicki Anderson, the “Fifth Ukle.”  Her critiques were on the mark. Morristown ONSTAGE also provided crackerjack coaching: Gabrielle Meyer and Brad Marullo, a winner last year, helped fine-tune our presentation.  The challenge always is keeping rehearsals light enough to stay fun, yet serious enough to move forward.

Compete hard. Against yourself. You can’t control the judging or the popular vote. Aim to give your very best performance … while supporting your fellow finalists. The Green Room was truly wonderful on show night. Each act returned from the stage to cheers from the other finalists. Here are JP & Allison, ages 6 and 8, returning from their spirited dance performance:

Video: Conquering heroes JP & Allison

Expect the unexpected.  On Media Day I nearly made a soprano of our bass player with an errant bungee cord.  At a library gig, I stepped on his amplifier cable, yanking it from his instrument during our finale.

Knowing that our sound check would be hasty on show day–the theater tech crew must make audio and lighting adjustments for 16 acts–we rehearsed for weeks with microphones and amps, to get the hang of them.

(Thank you, Derek Vintschger, audio engineer extraordinaire, for the gear.)

Expect “rock-solid” supporters to go AWOL… and others to step up when you need a boost.

(Thank you to our friends at the Methodist Church — especially Pastor Brandon Cho, June Van Thoen, Mona Lindemann and Andrew Cattano–for warmly welcoming The Uke-A-Likes to rehearse there.  And thank you to our sensational team at Morristown Green– Peggy Carroll, Kirsten Traudt, Jeff Sovelove, Katharine Boyle, Rachel Prusso, Mike Leavy, Bill Lescohier, Berit Ollestad,  Margret Brady and Gene Guererro— for your fine show coverage, which freed me to perform. )

Take good care.  Sleep. (Good luck!) Exercise. Hydrate. Purell is good. A month-long quarantine is better.  A winter bug started to bite a few days before the show. I guzzled enough Throat Coat tea to fill a swimming pool, and sucked enough zinc tablets to set off metal detectors for miles around. My gig bag looked like a portable pharmacy!  Uke players fret about their fingers; for weeks I feared paper cuts and kitchen accidents. Who knew danger lurked in the bathroom?  Rushing through my morning routine on show day, I discovered blood on my knuckle. Further investigation revealed it was dripping from my face. A nasal trimmer is a deadly weapon in the wrong hands!

Guys can wear eyeliner.  And you don’t have to be in a KISS tribute band.

Nerves are okay. They keep you in the moment.

The bright lights are your friends.  They obscure your friends–and other distractions–in the audience.

Ride the wave!  Past finalists have noted a surge of positive energy that washes over you from the audience. The hometown crowd is on your side. Tap into it, advised Kristin Ace, an actress and Morristown Green podcaster who knows all about Good Vibrations.  The sensation was incredible!

And did we mention…

Have fun!

AFTER THE SHOW

Sure, it would have been great to walk out with the winner’s giant cardboard check. But we’re in good company.  Congratulations to the winners, and to all the finalists. Everyone should be proud. Congrats as well to the MEF staff and volunteers, for running an exceptional operation and making us feel special.

For anyone contemplating trying out, I hope this piece is helpful.

Playing on the MPAC stage, with dear friends, and fans whooping it up, was a once-in-a- lifetime thrill. Now I understand why athletes hang on for so long, and why creaky rock bands keep reuniting. The roar of a crowd is a powerful drug. I’m glad I got to taste it, even once.

Thank you, to all who cheered. Thank you, Morris Educational Foundation.  Thank you, Lisa, Beth and David.

MORE COVERAGE OF MORRISTOWN ONSTAGE 2016