Backpacks, music, prayers to spread suicide prevention message in Morristown, May 1

send silence packing flyer may 2015
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backpack, suicide prevention poster

By Kevin Coughlin

Anthony Vitale and his students from the Original Music School have performed at numerous events around Morristown over the years. But their gig on the Green this Friday, May 1, 2015, will be among the most personal, and painful.

They’re part of Send Silence Packing, a daylong series of events meant to offer hope to young people tempted by suicide.

Sponsored by the Philadelphia-based nonprofit Active Minds in partnership with the Mental Health Association of Morris County, the program opens on the historic Morristown Green at 10 am with the display of 1,100 backpacks — symbolizing the estimated number of students who take their own lives every year in the United States.

At 5 pm, young musicians from Vitale’s songwriting school will perform on the Green, with a prayer service to follow at 6 pm at the Episcopal Church of the Redeemer.

This all hits close to home for the Original Music School. The Morristown school is mourning the loss of one of its members, a talented bass player and sound engineer who took his own life during his Christmas break from college.

“While people who do this think it’s a permanent way to fix things, it actually causes a lot more pain that resonates in the people around them for the rest of their lives. It’s a horribly selfish act that does lots of pain to a lot of people,” said Vitale, who takes his role as a mentor very seriously.

“Kids don’t even realize how loved they are. This kid was so loved,” he said.

Even the most determined efforts sometimes fail to dissuade someone bent on suicide, acknowledged Madine Despeine of the county Mental Health Association.

She is haunted by the story of a young woman who, after years of struggling with mental illness, was discharged from a hospital, found part-time work, and became engaged.  Despeine was heartened by a Friday visit with her… only to find a suicide letter in Monday’s mail. The woman had killed herself that weekend.

Send Silence Packing will feature notes and stories from families affected by suicide. The goal is to encourage conversations that could be matters of life or death.

“So many people don’t even know where to start to get help,” said Despeine, a clinician with a master’s degree in counseling.  A wealth of local resources can be tapped by calling the Mental Health Association at 973-334-3496, she said.

Virtually everyone experiences “situational depression” at some point, Despeine said. It could be triggered by the loss of a loved one, or loss of a job.  When the situation improves, the depression dissolves.

In other cases, however, depression is a symptom of mental illness.  And tragically, many perceive a stigma and choose to suffer in silence.

“It’s amazing how many people don’t want to talk about it,” Despeine said. “Having a mental illness is no different than having diabetes or hypertension. With proper treatment, one can go on to live a productive life.”

The Morristown High School community was saddened by the suicide of a freshman in 2012.  Bullying was alleged as a factor; the legal repercussions still are playing out.

That same year, the local music scene was shocked by the suicide of a 21-year-old violinist who had won the 2011 Morristown’s Got Talent competition.

Active Minds was founded by a University of Pennsylvania student after the suicide of her older brother.  Since 2003, the organization has promoted open discussion of mental health at colleges and in the general public.

Vitale said he encourages his students to use music to express what they’re feeling.  It’s a way to communicate things they might be unable to share in any other way, he said.  Yet he insists that their songs end on a positive note.

“They can explain their misery. But they have to give a way out at the end of song,” said Vitale, who studied at the Berklee College of Music and has considerable experience in the music business.

“Kids are getting into these dark places and are not hearing how much people love them,” he observed. “It all comes down to love, brother.”

Anthony Vitale, right, with students and fans of the Original Music School at a performance at Morristown town hall. Photo by Kevin Coughlin
Anthony Vitale, right, with students and fans of the Original Music School at a performance at Morristown town hall. Photo by Kevin Coughlin

 

 

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. I agree 100% with Al. It is not helpful to label a suicide victim as being “selfish”. As a matter of fact, it is very hurtful to us as survivors, and doesn’t show much compassion or understanding of the suicide victim. I am already grieving; I can’t stand to see my family member labeled as being selfish when in fact he probably felt the opposite in that he was doing the world a favor. So while I am sure you didn’t mean any harm, please know how your words may be interpreted by survivors.

  2. While I agree with Mr. Vitale that suicide is not the answer and should not happen, I do not think that saying “It’s a horribly selfish act” is helpful. Some people who are contemplating suicide honestly and truly believe that their death will benefit those around them. They are not necessarily selfish people. They are just trying to find relief from pain, and their thinking is so cloudy that they can’t see another way out.

    My son had debilitating depression for years until he sought psychiatric help and went on medication. During that time he was suicidal, and one day I told him almost exactly what Mr. Vitale said. I told him: “Suicidal is extremely selfish. You’re only thinking of yourself if you do it.” Do you know what he told me? He replied: “Well mom, I think it’s selfish of you to ask me to live when I’m in so much pain. I want to die everyday because it hurts so much to live. Isn’t it selfish of you to ask me to endure all this pain just so you can be happy?”

    Then he started crying and basically told me he was hurt that I had insinuated that he might be selfish. He couldn’t stand the thought of being labeled “selfish” because he had done so much in his life for others (volunteer tutoring, volunteer driving, volunteer helper at nursing homes, advocated for abused women), and I had made him feel worse by calling him selfish. He felt like I was judging him, when all he wanted was someone to be able to talk with.

    All I’m saying is that if we try to look at it from the depressed person’s perspective, we can realize that the person is not necessarily doing it out of selfishness. So instead of making the person feel judged, we should all try to understand what they are going through.

    Peace and love.

  3. —-many perceive a stigma

    Define your “many.” It is a loose term, meaning equally “some.”

    I perceive a lack of understanding, education, but that I attribute to those holding a diploma to educate us.

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