Parenting 101: Tips from author Robin Berman, returning to Morristown Jan. 22

Robin Berman
Robin Berman
1
Robin Berman
Robin Berman

Robin Berman — psychiatrist, professor and author — returns to Morristown High School on Thursday, Jan. 22, 2015, to discuss her book, Permission to Parent: How to Raise Your Child with Love and Limits.

Berman spoke here last November, and the Morris Educational Foundation found her message so stimulating that it invited her back.

The talk is free and starts at 7 pm in the cafeteria, at 50 Early St. You can submit a question to the author by registering here.     Her book will be for sale at a discount price, cash only. For more details, drop a line here.

Want to bone up?  Here are some parental tips from Berman, a mother of three who teaches psychiatry at UCLA and has appeared on The Today Show and Good Morning America.

Highlights from Permission to Parent:

1: How we talk to our children is how they will one day talk to themselves.

You are the voice in your child’s head forever on automatic replay. So much of mental health is how we talk to ourselves. The power of choosing your words mindfully can’t be overstated — words can inspire or deflate, soothe or inflame. We want our kids to internalize a loving voice, not a critical one.

2: You can’t parent without power.

Don’t be afraid to take your rightful position as captain of your family ship. Make sure your “No” does not mean “Maybe.” If you set a consequence, follow through. Not finishing an antibiotic grows resistant bacteria; not following through grows resistant kids. Having a parent firmly in charge makes children feel safe.

3: Instructions for childhood should read “Handle with care” not “Fragile will break.”

If you treat a child like they are fragile, they will stay fragile for life. Parents need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. You must be able to withstand your children’s disappointments and negative feelings without rushing to fix them. If you can’t handle their charged emotions, how will they learn to?

4: Realize that mistakes and failures can be some of our kid’s best teaching tools.

Failure is how kids learn to persevere. Knowing that you can bounce back from failure and disappointment teaches inner resiliency and builds self-esteem. Real self-esteem comes from mastery – social, physical, and emotional–coupled with unconditional love. Our job is not to prevent our kids from failing; it is to teach them that failure is part of the process of success.

5: When it comes to parenting, check your ego at the door.

If you’re screaming play-by-play calls from the sidelines and are devastated when your 9-year-old loses his flag football game, you have to ask yourself if this is really about your child. Parenting is a divine invitation to be your highest self. Raise yourself, so you can raise your child. Always ask yourself: “Is this really about my child, or is it more about me?”

6: Discipline yourself before you discipline your child.

When you model calmness, you teach your children that they too can regulate their emotions. Take a moment to calm yourself before you discipline your child.

7: Parenting is not a project, it is a relationship.

We’re so busy running our kids from ballet to soccer we forget that the best start any child can have is a loving connection to their parents. A strong parent-child connection is the most crucial ingredient to self-esteem. This connection is what grows children into well-adjusted adults. How you feel loved as a child has a huge impact on how you see yourself, relate to the world, and give and receive love.

So, slow down and spend more time just enjoying your kids! Childhood’s greatest legacy is how we felt loved.

 

Robin Berman flyer speaking at MHS

1 COMMENT

  1. Thanks for writing this article, Kevin! We recently had a baby, so we’re trying to learn as much as we can, so we can be good parents. Obviously our baby isn’t going to give us any attitude problems, but this information is helpful to know when the time arises. I’ll be sure to establish that I have power and authority over them.

    Lily de Grey |

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